i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
