Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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