Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm really into asian looking animals
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
