Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
