I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Alive.
So much puke
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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