this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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