I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
