I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
