Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
