I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
