Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
someone owes me an orgasm
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
