My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
