i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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