Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
