dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
