I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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