dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize