he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
