Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you guys were way drunker than both of me
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
