God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
