I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
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