I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
