but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
