Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
