Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
