Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
