Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
