were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
