I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
