mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
