i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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