I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
