Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
