i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So squirting runs in the family.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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