in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
