I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
