We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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