i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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