Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
