And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
