On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
