at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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