I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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