Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
