If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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