honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
