I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
