How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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