I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
