He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
