She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
