I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize