there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize