I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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