No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize