he shaved USA in his pubs
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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