boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
