remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
