Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
