Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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