if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
