is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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