i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
