Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
